Entries Tagged 'high' ↓

I’ve been learning to use UStream. Initially my talking was pretty disjointed, I think this is getting more coherent. Any comments are more than welcome. Any passing along of the link is greatly appreciated.

Life update: I'm two days back from a week at Woodridge in-patient mental health services. At the end of a longer story I'll tell later, I gave an interview to the on-call physician at JSMC from the perspective of a 19-year-old female rape victim who was remembering "Will Holcomb" as part of a psychotic break to avoid facing the loss of the baby she had been carrying.

I was unaware at the time the interview was cinching my involuntary committal — a sobering fact that might have held my tongue before the sentence, "This person helping / person being helped dynamic we're doing isn't really working for me, can you understand that?" left my lips.

My week of colorful characters ensnared in the ropes of mental patientry masked the symptoms of the Resperdal I've been taking as a "mood-stabalizer". I chalked being tired all the time up to the stress of being imprisoned for staring at my food (about midway through the longer tale).

Tonight I was cognisant enough of my responsibility to myself to not take the pill that makes my brain unpleasant to inhabit. Instead, I snuck into the night to medicate in a different fashion by burning one down and streaming my consciousness into a voice recorder for about 45 minutes.

I'm calling it Sample #1. I still think I'm in the learning phase, but I feel pretty good (not having listened to it yet). If nothing else, it's another learning experience. ☺

As to whether it is "crazy?" I'm willing to argue it is just an unusual, but defensible, version of sane, or it's / I'm at least trending enough in that direction to be allowed to make my own decisions about the chemicals I put in my body.

My biggest problem with lucid dreaming is recognizing that I am dreaming. Lots of the time I wake up and I’ll remember my dream, but I didn’t realizing I was dreaming while it was going on.

One of the ways you’re supposed to check if you’re dreaming is to hold your breath. In a dream, theoretically, you just hang out without breathing.

So far I’ve not had much luck with it. In my dreams I feel like I have to breathe, so eventually I do and wake up pissed that my dreams tricked me.

The funny thing is now, every so often I’m doing something and I ask myself, “am I asleep?” After all, my dreams seem natural enough when they’re going on, so this doesn’t feel like a dream, but that’s not proof.

I figure worst case scenario is I hold my breath till I black out. To date my curiosity hasn’t lasted more than about fifteen seconds. ☺

I spent the bulk of yesterday screwing around, so decided I’d get right to work this morning. Since I’m currently stuck on an idea, the game plan was meditate, get high and settle in with my jumbo Crayolas. The plan actually worked pretty well. I came up with a revolution in six steps to use as the basis for the website:

1. Declare WWIII
2. Design Communications Network for Data Duplication
3. Develop Reliable Virtual Identities
4. Pool Excess Wealth and Distribute It Via Total Democracy
5. Create Scalable Job Markets Optimized On Self-Reported Metrics
6. Net Access as a Universal Human Right

That ought to do it, right?

It’s cool to see it coming together as a plan. I was thinking that it is kinda cool to get to be the guy to change the world, but then I was thinking what would be even cooler? Being almost anyone fifteen years from now.

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I’ve been thinking about how exactly I’ve done what I’ve done since this is an idea no one else has had yet. I am 99.999% sure of that, and so it’s weird to think I might change the course of history. It’s how I imagine Einstein felt when the last equations clicked together for the atomic bomb.

I still think it sounds sorta crazy to talk as though I know it will work, but I really think it will. If it doesn’t I will really be shaken up. This is the dream of no more starvation and if we do lose this battle then I’ll still not give up the war. (This really should be the last push though. We have to hit world peace sometime, and I think this may be it.)

As to how it happened though. I just thought over and over about the people starving in Africa. I just wrote a backwards science fiction story until I could connect the world we live in to that one. The trick is to not think of systems that are fair in the moment, but to look for ones that trend toward fairness.

It’s like starting a tree at the leaves, and I’m digging the holes to stick the roots into now.

Jenni and I are back home again in Baltimore, and I’m starting my new job of fixing the economy.

Honestly, I’ve been thinking about assassination. I’m setting out to become a peacemaker and peacemakers don’t live for very long. Gandhi managed to make it to 78, but he wasn’t messing with radical Christianity or Islam.

A guy walked into a children’s play in a Unitarian Church in Knoxville and opened fire with a shotgun. There’s just to much crazy in the world for me to ever really mitigate the possibility that someone is going to decide I’m the Antichrist and want to save the world by taking me out.

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If my plane should go down over the ocean and I don’t make it back to America, I really think someone else ought to try my idea of creating a recommender system for employment allocation.

We consider maybe a couple dozen possibilities in our employment search. It’s unfortunate for both the individual and society. Individually, many people have jobs they don’t find entertaining. Socially, we have massive imbalances in production and consumption because these factors are fundamental elements in the distribution systems.

Those ties can be loosened though by making productive work readily available. We are in the middle of a massive population explosion. We are getting right to the edge of where our population growth curves spike off into infinity.

Communism was a good idea because it capitalized on the idea that market forces tend to create shitty jobs that afford the people with them with few opportunities.

Imagine this. Imagine that you play around on the computer with some games for a while and then the computer gives you a list of 20 open jobs available anywhere in the world that you would be a good match for. The rating is done in terms of people who are similar to you who have done a similar transition.

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I was sitting at lazing on the veranda here in Goa slowly getting baked in the noonday sun and contemplating just how fortunate I feel. Life has been good to me. It’s hard walking these streets and hearing the women beg me to just buy something for 20Rs ($0.40) so they can buy food for their family.

Fortunately, I’m pretty sure I’ve worked out a solution. I can feel OK about occasionally doing nothing more than lazing about if we just end poverty.

I think I can explain it simply enough that most people will understand. It’s not a complex idea, but it does require some understanding of Computer Science…

If you were dressed in the morning by reinforcement learning clustering algorithm you would arrive nude in a room with a deaf mute butler and a huge pile of garbage. He wanders over to the pile and returns with a banana peel. You scowl and throw it off to the side. He returns successively with a balloon, puppy and pack of gum which you throw away with derision.

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Seven years into Obama’s Presidency the White House releases a statement saying that the President did not survive the explosion reported over the Pacific last year. He was killed in a terrorist attack but that because of the state of the negotiations between Israel and Palestine, the decision was made to replace him with a cloned duplicate. That clone with a crystal brain has been running the country for the last year.

That same evening, the clone comes onto American television and says:

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When you’re sitting at your desk working, do you ever realize that you’ve been tensing your shoulders? You just take a moment and let the tension drop? There are times when I sit and when I smoke that I have that same sort of relaxation, but on the inside.

I am just one little person in the world. I am not more valuable than anyone else and I don’t have to work so hard to prove that I am. I can just be me and everything will be ok. It’s so much easier than pretending to be the smartest and more important than everyone else — let someone else have the spot at the top of the pile. Humility means not having to compete so hard.