Lemon Colonic

So, Jenni and I went grocery shopping this evening. The sum total of our provisions for the next week are about 30 lemons, a jug of maple syrup, powdered cayenne pepper, laxative tea and a carton of chicken broth.

Sometime in the midst of the sugar and dairy extravaganza that was our trip to Quebec, Jenni decided she needed some cleansing. I, faithful and ever curious companion that I am, decided that I might as well go through a cleansing as well.

In all honesty, after about a day, I think that if she didn’t bludgeon me for my supper, I’d likely end up sleeping on the couch. As a mild hypoglycemic, hunger plus Jenni equals a woman not to be trifled with (or, as I’ve discovered, joked with either).

I really didn’t need all that much convincing. “You’re going to drink nothing but lemon juice and pepper for a week and it’ll make you poop funny? That sounds… fascinating.” Am I going to pass out and hallucinate? Will the hunger go away after a couple days? Am I going to be enfeebled? Will I hate the taste of lemons by then end or will I love them as the only sustenance I get?

I’m all about experimenting. When I play guinea pig myself, it saves me the troubling ethical questions of screwing around with other people.

So, I’ll usher in tomorrow with a steaming cup of Yogi Teas “Smooth Moves” and then, if all goes according to plan, usher out the impurities in my body over the course of the next few days.

Having consumed corn before and seen real evidence of the input/output unity of the human body, I’m a bit intimidated, as I consider only putting lemon juice into myself for a week — particularly lemon juice cut with cayenne pepper. Maybe it’ll boost my energies and scrub my colon, but I figure it’s worth it for the story alone.

Back when I was in Huntsville, I did a five day Buddhist style fruit juice only fast. I was noticing that much of the time I would eat when I wasn’t really hungry — I ate mostly because of habit and stress. The fast helped me to recognize and know real hunger a bit better. I feel like I’ve lost a bit of that, so perhaps this will help me find it again.

Or, perhaps Jenni will eat me.

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