Des Transformations

I’m back in town having been in Kaédi to do a little training for this year’s crop of new kids. They really are kids too. My group came in with an average age of 26. Last year’s group and this one are both 23. Freakin’ kids. ☺

I’ve been in a funky mood the last couple weeks. We’ve got old people leaving and new people coming in and the fact that all this is drawing to a close is settling in. Going down to Stage was just odd. I’ve not spent much time in Kaédi, so almost all of my memories are from being there as a stagiaiere. The juxtaposition really highlights both how much I’ve changed and how much I’ve not.

A bunch of stuff came together at once in the club about a week ago and my brain melted down. I just had to get out and walk for a bit. On the way home I waxed melodramatic for a bit and talked about how much I’ve changed and how I like the changes, but I feel like I’m faking at times. That I’m significantly less cool than I pretend to be. It was nice to be like that for a bit. I’ve not formed many friendships here where I felt comfortable sounding seriously neurotic. To indulge a bit was relaxing.

It’s mostly girls which still throw me for a loop. I like them, am good at befriending them, but as for having moves to put on them; I’m at a loss. I need game. So far, all I’ve got is “Hi, I’m Billy. Wanna fuck?” And I can’t do that one without giggling when I can do it at all. I’m not looking to become a complete slut, but every so often I meet a cute girl and being something other than a gawking ball of introversion would be nice.

I’ve not yet given up all hope. Change is possible. I took the Three Variable Purity Test out of hlb1995‘s journal, and it came out like this:

Axis Purity People More Pure
Sex
29%
87%
Substances
30%
82%
Moral
16%
100%
Total
26%
95%

Putting in my answers from two years ago it comes out like this:

Axis Purity (Δ) People More Pure (Δ)
Sex
43% (+14%)
63% (-24%)
Substances
70% (+40%)
36% (-46%)
Moral
50% (+34%)
76% (-24%)
Total
51% (+25%)
58% (-37%)

Umm, yeah, change is possible. ☺ I’ll get to go home soon enough and find out if ceasing to be a degenerate is as easy as becoming one was.

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