Archive for December, 2002

re: j: “reflections of, the way life used to be…”

But I get the feeling that Will is not really that proud of himself and doesn’t really see this as the accomplishment that it is. I know he feels that his program is not as strong as it is at other schools. I don’t know that he values how hard that he works. I don’t know anybody who puts the dedication and the hours behind their work like Will, at least to the degree he does.

I think that you’re right. I don’t feel like I have accomplished something momentous. I think most of it is a lack of respect for my department. I was looking over at the engineers and thinking about how it would feel if I had really had to work to get my diploma…

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re: pain

is pain that you seek out really pain?

I think this is in the neighborhood of what I was going to contribute…

At a meeting in the past someone was talking about meditation practices and mentioned one where the teacher said it didn’t matter what you did precisely so long as you were still and it was painful. The point is not masochism, but learning to experience pain and not simply react to it.

I agree with Brett that the nature of pain is not fixed. There’s a mental process that goes on between the sensation and the experience; that isn’t immutable. How you see pain changes with growth work and it changes the experience. It is still “pain” in that it is still the same basic sensation/experience chain, but it is also different enough to be called something else.

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re: shulwerk (is that spelled right?)

In the middle of the semester, I realized that I haven’t flunked out of school yet. I’ve been expecting myself too. Low self-esteem? Probably not. It feels more pride-ish than anything else. Too proud to really try hard and potentially fail.

I’m confused as to why you call this pride. I didn’t really invest myself in my work for many years and it was based almost entirely in low self-esteem. I secretly believed that if I really invested myself in whatever I was working on then when I screwed up I would know for sure that I wasn’t good enough. As it was when I half assed if I got a mediocre review then it was because of how I prepared and not because of myself.

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re: in cursu graduation

As a person who will walk across the stage tomorrow without any recognition that I had any involvement with the Honors program I think that there is no accommodation for associate members of Honors is unfortunate.

I’ve been involved with Honors quite a bit; I’m pretty sure I’ve got enough Honors hours to graduate if my qpa was .1 higher. I have been thinking some about the qpa requirement. It certainly is meaningful to have made it through with a 3.5. The university recognizes this by conferring cum laude to the people who do.

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for: my favorite bible verse

Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, ambulance do not worry about your life, cough what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Luke 12:22-34, NIV

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re: sj: drugs

I think the issue is not “drug user” but “illegal drug user” to me. That first word is extremely important. Unless we are at a very high moral level, using illegal drugs is an inherently irresponsible act, and I don’t think the kids using drugs are at those moral levels.

I think I’m understanding you. You are saying that an action is only moral if the person performing the action is sufficiently developed point to choose it for “moral” reasons?

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re: J: My life (revisited)

Also, being a private Christian school, it cost money to get into, so there was no riff-raff. Psychotic kids were kicked out, and people here were *nice*.

On the subject of private Christian schools, my parents sent my brother (the aforementioned pot-smoking one) to a private Christian school because they were worried about his performance and morality. It turns out that very many of the other students were there for the same reason and it wasn’t until he went to the private Christian school that he got involved with recreational drug use.

Ironic.

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RE: sj: drugs

While I am not as laissez-faire as E I think that Marc is going a little far in how willing he is to bend the rules to propagate what he believes is the right way to be.

how the FBI checks your drug history when you apply for a security clearance, and you are screwed in a lot of ways if drugs show up — and the FBI doesn’t just go to your police record, they go to your teachers, your friends, your neighbors, the guy who sold you ice cream when you were a kid.

Did you mention having a clearance one time? I hold a secret clearance from when I was working on the missiles on co-op and I asked people in my life about whether they were contacted and I wasn’t able to find anyone who was. Did you get a top secret clearance?

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for: [zen] Zen for 2002/12/08

The goal of Buddhism is to bring about right human life, ambulance not to have the teaching, buy or teacher, or sentient beings, or Buddhism, or Buddha. But if you think that without any training you can have that kind of life, that is a big mistake.

SHUNRYU SUZUKI

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re: What Cor is not

I started this a little while ago and put it by the wayside as I had to foil the plot by my teachers to work me to death right before I am to graduate. I knew something was up when I came in and one of my teachers was humming “Hotel California”: “You can check out any time you like But you can never leave.” But, foil them I did and graduate I shall. Largely without harm to either side too. Hadlock may not ever conceive children again, but that’s the breaks…

Anyhow, when I was first writing this I was replying to Amanda, but my main intent was actually to speak to Nick. I’ve gotten a sort of vibe from him that he is struggling with the nature of truth and I wanted to speak to that a little.

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