Archive for August, 1996

The Way Things Were, Are, And Must Be

This isn’t actually by me, this is by Lindsay, the spark that set the drama aflame.


For many years dark clouds
hovered over the town
And for the one who lived there
life was dark and dismal

Each day like the one before
There was nothing to set them apart
Slowly
Uneventfully

Until the stranger came

He led her away
As he had done many times before
for others
Into a great forest
Filled with happiness, mystery, and wonder

There was illustrious beauty there
and many paths to follow
as far as she could see
But she was not afraid
for the stranger took her hand
and showed her where to go

There lay directly ahead of her three paths
two which nearly crossed
and the third off to the side

She started towards them
And realized the stranger had left

She no longer felt completely sure
that she was going the right way
But continued steadily with faith in her heart

The path was smooth and clear
the obstacles were few
The brilliant trees tender with youth
Clumps of wildflowers grew sporadically beside the path
in bold and extraordinary colors

Peacefulness settled throughout the forest
An almost euphoric feeling came over her
Never before had she felt happiness felt this genuine
How much she wanted it to last forever
To defy what she had been taught
in youth
That good things never last

She traveled for many days in the sun
before the weather changed
And the clouds came back forebodingly
An omen of danger

She began to run blindly down the path
For worry, uncertainty, and paranoia
threatened to pour down upon her
And she was not ready to face them

Then evening came
bringing with it darkness
And she thought herself lost
and alone
Upon a rock she sat
listening to the sound of a brook
which served as her only comfort
and carried her off to sleep

Morning dawned abruptly
and for the first time
she looked upon the source of her solace
A small stream running between the two paths
Hoping to get a better look
she stepped across the water
by means of a tiny bridge
which connected the two paths
And there she stood in her naivete
unaware of what she’d done

This path was older
Its trees grew taller, fuller, stronger
their roots more firmly planted in the soil
The shadows created by them larger
more deceptive

It had been years perhaps
Since the path had been cared for
walked upon
visited
And there were whispers in the forest
That a large black bird
guarded over the area
keeping the trespassers away

But she was not afraid
for she had trod upon this
path before
Carelessly, apathetically
Never stopping to see the beauty
hidden beneath the weeds
and shadows

The flowers which grew
on this side of the brook
were different from the untamed wildflowers
of the other path
These reminded her
of the ones she had left in the town
that grew by her very own house
Only she could fully appreciate their splendor
For she knew the work it took to plant them
and keep them alive

No coincidence this was
There was something to be learned
But the knowledge was not free
The price she unknowingly paid
was immeasurable

And within time
it became clear
That she had stumbled to far
had crossed certain boundaries
that she shouldn’t have
Her visit had been too long
and had done too much damage
to ever repair

It was difficult to leave
as she knew she must
before her curiosity was fully quenched
She had glimpsed things from her own past
and hungered to find out more
But was aware time was not on her side

And so she walked back down the path
trying to fix the images in her mind
when later she could remember them

It was over then
as she stepped back across the water
which accentuated the beauty of both places
The stream they had shared
unknowingly
since the beginning of time

She stood again upon the first path
And knew she was in the right place
It was something inexplicable
more of a feeling that was there

In her absence the trees had grown
more magnificent
The flowers had taken over the trail
She was overcome with guilt as she walked
For days she continued
before she noticed what was happening

The brook was flowing into a lake
which forced the two paths apart
She could not ever go back now

Up ahead there were many hills
and vast mountains
But the happiness she felt
pushed her forward
And she felt strong and alive
finally at pence with herself

Nicole Lindsay

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Weakness

This is essentially Blackness with the heart tearing out and head kicking off bits replaced with explanations of why I might want to tear someone’s heart out.


Figures from my past walk my soul once again
They loom large and black
Against the snow white walls of my cities
They frighten me

I have fought with them before and I know their power
I know how strong they are
I can defeat them
But all of the pain I’ve been facing has weakened me
I don’t want to fight

I am weary of doing what is right
Struggling constantly to do what God wants
The rain and sun fall on me the same as everyone else
Why should I keep on fighting?

So I submit

The dark men come and drink deeply
From the blood that flows
So freely from the wounds that lance my heart

They gain strength quickly
In an instant they regain their former glory
From the merest of shadows
To the blackest of devils
In the blink of my eyes

Then they fall on me
I go down without a fight

They fill me and I find my pain turned to pleasure

“Damn her”

I take the gifts that God has given me
The quick mind and the silver tongue
I turn them on her, but my feelings are too strong
My words would hurt her
But they cannot blemish my image of her
I try anyway

I lash out and strike with all my might
With the help of the weakness I can deceive myself

I laugh, it feels so good
I revel in the glorious release
I run through the streets screaming like a madman

But I have not banished God completely
He sits quietly on the roadside and waits
He watches with sadness in his eyes
He is not weak
He could stop my madness with a thought
But He doesn’t and I am thankful

His power is only used to protect others
Keep me from using His gifts to rip others to shreds
I must face this on my own
For me to glean strength I need these experiences
Knowledge is only half of wisdom
So for a while I wallow in weakness
Knowing his presence will not allow it for long
Only until I have the strength to fight back
Until then the darkness controls me

Black water rises from my soul and fills my being
Horrible images come with it
They are terrible but I can deal with them
What is frightening is my reactions

There she lies on a smooth concrete floor
Her head lies askew at an unnatural angle
Her eyes are open wide to a still world
Her lips are tinted a light blue in death
Her cold heart beats no longer

This image brings neither sorrow or remorse
Only a feeling of satisfaction: divine justice

Then I know Why
Time flows back and I see

We stand together in the room
The floor is grey concrete
Cold fluorescent bulbs reveal everything

I am cool and calculating
I can see her fear of me in her eyes

Then the rage rises
It burns; the room is tinted red

I dream then
I want so badly for her to suffer
She has caused me this terrible pain
Without even trying
Where did her power come from?
Why can I not fight it?
I know not how to make her feel these deep emotions
So I fantasize about the kind I can cause
My physical strength can conquer hers
I can control it
So I crush her heart as she crushed mine
Without a care

I can’t use emotion
I don’t have power
Brute strength is all I have

I feel satisfaction

Strangely, the darkness does not attack my own blood
I remain free as does my kindred
From him I expected no less
Stupid or selfish it does not matter
He lives with the blackness always

But I know that this cannot continue
The blackness offers an easy way out
But no solutions
The Way that I knew before had an end
Pain was faced and destroyed

This way only breeds more of itself
If I wait too long
It will get free and take over my life
Now it is in my control
So long as I am master it may roam free
Only for a little more
Then I will tame the Blackness again

Wilek Jaymes Holcombe

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Blackness

Figures from my past walk my soul once again
They loom large and black against the snow white walls of my cities
They frighten me

I have fought with them before and I know their power
I know how strong they are
I can defeat them
But all of the pain I’ve been facing has weakened me
I don’t want to fight

I am weary of doing what is right
Struggling constantly to do what God wants
The rain and sun fall on me the same as everyone else
Why should I keep on fighting?

So I submit

The dark men come and drink deeply from the blood that flows
So freely from the wounds that lance my heart

They gain strength quickly
In an instant they regain their former glory
From the merest of shadows
To the blackest of devils
In the blink of my eyes

Then they fall on me
I go down without a fight

They fill me and I find my pain turned to pleasure

“Damn her”

“Damn her to suffer the pain that she made me feel
Her blind wanderings have done so much damage
Like a child she wielded forces that she could not comprehend
She’s blind. she’s stupid. she’s shallow. she’s worthless
How could have I not seen that she wasn’t worth my time
She has nothing to offer anyone
No brains. no strength. no beauty. no personality
She’s perfect for him
She has nothing to give and wants so badly to be special
He has everything and throws it all away
One with everything but the desire
The other with naught except for it”

“Damn Her!”

I laugh, it feels so good
I revel in the glorious release
I run through the streets screaming like a madman

But I have not banished God completely
He sits quietly on the roadside and waits
He watches with sadness in his eyes
He is not weak
He could stop my madness with a thought
But He doesn’t and I am thankful

His power is only used to protect others
Keep me from using His gifts to rip others to shreds
I must face this on my own
For me to glean strength I need these experiences
Knowledge is only half of wisdom
So for a while I wallow in weakness
Knowing his presence will not allow it for long
Only until I have the strength to fight back
Until then the darkness controls me

Black water rises from my soul and fills my being
Horrible images come with it
They are terrible but I can deal with them
What is frightening is my reactions

There she lies on a smooth concrete floor
Her head lies askew at an unnatural angle
Her eyes are open wide to a still world
Her lips are tinted a light blue in death
Her cold heart beats no longer

This image brings neither sorrow or remorse
Only a feeling of satisfaction: divine justice

Then I know Why
Time flows back and I see

We stand together in the room
The floor is grey concrete
Cold fluorescent bulbs reveal everything

I am cool and calculating
I can see her fear of me in her eyes

Then the rage rises
It burns; the room is tinted red
My hand shoots forward
It plunges through her shirt
Breaks her skin, shatters her ribs
I close my fist on her heart
Without care I free it from its cage
I see it in my hand
It still beats
I wonder for a minute
Then I crush it
Her heart destroyed at my hand
Blood flows like ice over my fingers
It drips on the floor
Forming crimson pools an the concrete
She doesn’t fall
She only stares in stunned silence
Pain is all that fills her eyes
My rage flows back down into my soul

I finish my task with an evil laugh
I whip in a circle
At the same time raising my foot
A mighty roundhouse catches the side of her head
Its magnitude snaps her neck
And tears the flesh
Her head is nearly removed
Then she crumples
She is destroyed

I feel satisfaction

Strangely, the darkness does not attack my own blood
I remain free as does my kindred
From him I expected no less
Stupid or selfish it does not matter
He lives with the blackness always

But I know that this cannot continue
The blackness offers an easy way out
But no solutions
The Way that I knew before had an end
Pain was faced and destroyed

This way only breeds more of itself
If I wait too long
It will get free and take over my life
Now it is in my control
So long as I am master it may roam free
Only for a little more
Then I will tame the Blackness again

Wilek Jaymes Holcombe

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